


Shiver

by howlingmary79



Category: A-Team (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 11:58:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/991751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlingmary79/pseuds/howlingmary79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Face is mistaken for an unruly patient at the VA while trying to visit Murdock. Can the team find him before the darker side of the hospital makes itself known?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Templeton Peck whistled to himself as he pulled his beloved corvette into one of the back parking spots at the V.A hospital.

Hannibal had given them a few days to themselves after their last mission,and since Murdock wasn't needed for it, Face decided to pay the pilot a visit.

He checked his reflection in the rearview mirror and then head inside. Just as he turned the corner of the hallway that led to Murdock's room, Decker appeared.

Face quickly ducked into an empty supply closet, and was forced to wait there when Decker planted himself directly in front of the door,speaking to another soldier.

"I want eyes on Captain Murdock at all times. That's Peck's car out there so he is here somewhere."

"Yes, sir!" The soldier said before marching off.

'Great.' Face thought to himself 'Looks like I'm stuck here awhile, might as well get comfortable.' He sat down in the corner of the room and proceeded to wait.

Hours passed and he hadn't heard from Decker in quietly eased open the door and peeked out. Seeing that the hallway was clear he decided it was now or never. He headed back the way he came, figuring he would just call Murdock when he got back home.

He was almost to the exit when a large orderly bocked his path.

"Hey! How did you get out of your room?"

Turning on the charm and missing a beat, never Face quickly answered.

"I'm sorry you must have me mistaken for a patient here. I'm doctor Andrew Baker. I am supposed to start work here tomorow as a new psychiatrist, and I was checking out the facility. If you'll excuse me..."

The orderly rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"You must be the transfer from San Fransisco we've been waiting on. We were told you had multiple personalites. Baker you said?"

Face sighed and waited impatiently as the orderly flipped through a chart.

"Ah yeah here you are, your real name is John Kanter. Extremely violent on occasion and suffers from multiple personality disorder. Says here one of your personalities is a doctor names Andrew Baker."

Face cursed to himself. What the hell were the chances of this happening?

Before Face could answer, two more orderlies came up behind him and pinned his ams to his side.

His instincts took over and he immediatly began to strugle. It wasn't long before the orderlies had wrestled him to the ground and his arms were being forced into a straight jacket.

He continued to fight them as they drug him down the hallway. They wrestled him into a room and onto a bed where they immediately strapped him down. A nurse quickly ran in and injected the contets of a syringe into Face's neck. His struggles died down then stopped altogether.

"Damn that one's a fighter. Who is his shrink?" One of the orderlies asked, catching his breath.

"Ummm, the chart says Dr. Callahan."

"Callahan? This guys in for a treat. From what I hear Callahan loves to give his patients Electro Shock Therapy."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

When Face came to it was night. The lights in the room were off, but the light of the corridor filtered through the door, so it was not completely dark. Despite the drug he had been given, the events of the previous day were clear in his mind and to remind him he found out he was still bound to the bed.

The orderlies had been rude with him and the only movement he could do at the moment was to move his head left and right to look around. He felt a little lightheaded and very thirsty and he figured he had to wait until the morning to ask for some water.

Suddenly he caught movement to his left and before he could turn to see what was happening, a shadow obscured the window and loomed over him. It was a man in his early forties, with short curly grey hair, ecstatic blue eyes and a curious expression on his perfectly shaved face and was wearing a pink t-shirt over the hospital gown; that was all Face could see of the man from his position. Under his gaze he felt uncomfortable and tried to shift his position in the bed but the restraints prevented the motion. He just wanted to put some distance between him and the other man in the room but he couldn't. Plus being restrained recalled the lieutenant sorrowful memories and he felt he couldn't breathe too well.

"You have to relax, my friend! The boys will be here in about two hours and if you keep calm they will free you!"

Face only nodded and tried to relax, while the older man kept caressing him, like he was a little child, whispering to him that he was going to be alright and that he wasn't alone anymore now. When, two hours later, the orderlies went in the room to check on him, the pink wearing man was still holding him and comforting him.

"It seems our new patient has found a friend here, Ralph! Aren't they pretty?" number one asked, laughing at them.

"You're right, Mike! Such a shame you were tied up so Mr. Randall couldn't take care of you better! But he knows we don't like patients that help others to escape. Now, why don't you leave us so we can have a little talk with your new friend here?" number two asked the other patient, that quickly disappeared in the corridor.

Orderly number one went to sit on the bed where Face was waiting nervously, placing his large and heavy hand on his thigh.

"Now, I want your word you will be calm and you won't put up a fight again. If you try anything stupid we will have to restrain you again. Was I clear?"

Face nodded, knowing there was nothing he could do at the moment. It was better to let them believe he wasn't a problem until he would had found a way to escape on his own.

"Good boy!"

The two worked together to free him and helped him out of the straight jacket. They gave him a clean gown to wear but he wasn't able to put it on because his arms ached after the prolonged inactivity. So Ralph helped him. He also expressed his appreciations for the lieutenant dress, which would had cost Face a hard lesson if his throat wasn't so dry. So he simply asked in a very raspy voice if he could have some water.

"Of course, John. Can I call you John?"

"My name is not John, it's…"

"Oh, right, you're Andrew baker right now! Sorry, I forgot! So, Andrew, if you follow me I'll take you to the dining room where you can drink and eat something if you want. Remember what I told you, do something stupid and you'll regret it!"

Face's instinct was to pin him to the wall, how dare this man talk to him like this? He was a soldier, not a fool! He didn't need to be babysat by anyone! But he knew he wasn't in the position to argue, so he put his ego aside and played the comedy of the subdued madman and did as was instructed.

He spent the day in the ward with other patients, sitting on the floor and never talking to anyone. He could feel the looks of the orderlies on him, it was clear they were observing him to see how he reacted to other people. Dark thoughts crowded his mind: what was taking Hannibal so long to understand something was wrong with him? What if Decker was still around the facility? And how could Murdock bear every single day in a similar situation? Murdock, if only he could talk to him… but he hadn't seen him around all day. For the first time, Face felt his stomach twist in fear…

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Murdock walked out of his room and down the corridor towards the main ward. He had heard the commotion last night and wondered who the knew patient was. From what he had overheard the orderlies saying the poor guy wouldn't be getting out of here for awhile, especially if Callahan was his doctor.

Face had been sitting quietly in the corner of the room,his eyes taking in everyone and everything. He saw the orderlies watching him and he tried to act as normal as possible, but he wasn't sure really what normal would be for a place like this. After all he was in a psychiatric ward.

As he thought more and more about his current predicament, the more nervous he got. He began to sweat and felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He heard the orderlies say something about a Dr. Callahan and hoped that this doctor was a lot like Richter.

The man who people called "Mr. Randall was making his way over to Face, and was muttering quietly to himself.

"Hello again my friend."

Face sighed to himself. He really didn't feel like talking, what he wanted most was to be left alone, and hopefully find Murdock. But he knew eyes were on him so he tried to act friendly.

"Hi, uh Mr. Randall is it?"

"Uh huh."

Face really became uncomfortable when the strange man began petting him like a child again.

"Hey, do you mind? I don't really like that."

"You won't have your hair much longer, you know?"

Face was taken aback and subconsciously ran his own hands threw his golden locks.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Dr. Callahan is my doctor too. He is shocking!"

With that said Mr. Randall laughed and skipped away.

'Shocking? What the hell is that-' Face stopped himself in mid- thought. 'Oh no Callahan does electro shock therapy. I remember Murdock talking about him. I've got to get out of here now!'

Face looked around again, he knew the exit was just beyond those double doors across the room, but three orderlies stood between him and that opportunity. If he was fast, maybe he could make it.

He got up and strolled across the room, acting as if he were looking for something. He waited until the orderlies were talking amongst themselves before making a mad dash towards the doors.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?" The orderly from the previous day said.

"I...uhh.." Face stuttered. He didn't know why it was so difficult to talk his way out of this mess. He did this kind of thing for a living for christ's sake!

"You have an appointment with Dr. Callahan, right now. I hear he has just the thing for you!."

Face once again fought against the orderly until new sets of hands wrestled him to the floor and into a straight jacket. He screamed as he was escorted down the hall and out of sight of the ward, just as Murdock entered.

Murdock looked around. He could've sworn he just heard Face's voice. He shrugged and sat down on one of the couch's near .

"Hey Mr. Randall,do you know anything about the new guy?"

"Uh huh."

When Murdock thought nothing else was forthcoming, Mr. Randall spoke up again.

"He is pretty..Nice hair."

Murdock shook his head.

"Oh, well thanks Mr. Randall."

Murdock made his way back to his room,letting the thought of the new patient go, and wondered why Face hadn't come by to see him.

He decided to call Hannibal, just to check in. He knew they hadn't needed any air suppot on their last mission, which is why he stayed behind, but they should've been back yesteday,and he hadn't heard anything.

He dialed the familiar number to the van and waited.

"Lou's Delivery." A gruff voice answered, and Murdock instantly smiled.

"Hey Colonel, how's it goin muchacho?"

"Just fine Captain. What can I do for you?"

"Just wondering if you knew how to reach Face."

"I was hoping you could tell me. He missed check in last night and this morning."

"Sorry Colonel. I haven't seen him."

"Sucka's probably shacked up with some girl!" B.A yelled in the background.

"We'll give him until tomorrow morning Murdock. If you see or hear from him let me know,and I'll do the same. Have a good day captain."

"You too Colonel."

Murdock hung up the phone and settled on his bed. He didn't like the bit of fear that had settled into the pit of his stomach. He shrugged it off, and flipped on his television,singing along with the theme song to the current program. Soon his thoughts about Face were gone.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Face had stopped struggling on the way to Callahan's office, when one of the orderlies threatened to sedate him and strap him to the bed until he would calm down.

He remembered Callahan's reputation and knew he had to get threw to the doctor before he had to undergo EST.

He was led to the office and over to a small couch where they immediately sat him. He looked around,waiting for the doctor. Certificates and awards lined the white walls,along with pictures of what Face presumed to be the doctor's family.

Still in the straight jacket he could only tap his foot in nervousness until the doctor showed up.

"Well, John Kanter.I hear you have been giving our staff some trouble."

Face whipped his head towards the door to see a man standing there. The doctor was slightly balding, but covered it well. He was tall and on the pudgy side, and Face knew instantly from years of reading people, that this man did not like him at all.

Face hesitated in answering. Should he pretend to be this John Kanter and hope they would see he wasn't a threat? He could look for a way to escape later. Or should he try and convince this man who he really was? Beg to talk to doctor Richter, make them understand he didn't belong here. He took a deep breath and hoped he made the right of

"I'm terribly sorry about that doc. I sometimes react that way in new places. I assure you all that you will have no more trouble out of me."

Callahan studied the man in front of him. He dealt with liars and delusional people on a daily basis, did this guy really think he could con him into believing he was not a threat?

"I se. Well John, I think it would be in your best interest if you were to take part in our EST program. We've had wonderful results."

With only one thing left he could do, Face flashed a smile.

"Come on doc. Give me a chance? I promise, not another peep out of me."

Callahan rolled his eyes.

""Take him to the E-wing and get him ready, his first treatment is tonight."

The orderlies yanked Face up and led him off. As he was being led through the halls he wracked his brain trying to remember anything about the E-wing. When nothing registered he figured Murdock never mentioned it because he had never been there, which meant it was probably strictly for Callahan's EST patients.

It wasn't long before he was ushered into a small room. He was led to the bed in the corner of the room and laid down. One of the orderlies looked at him sympathetically as another came in with an electric razor and clippers.

Face realized immediately what was happening and again began to struggle.

"Come on John, don't make us sedate you again!"

After a few minutes of struggling, Face's body went limp when a nurse ran in with a sedative and injected him.

"You better won't be out long, that was only a mild one. His chart said he was scheduled for EST this afternoon."

The orderlies nodded and continued in the process of shaving Face's head.

Several hours later Face awoke, in the same position he was in. Still in the straight jacket and feeling nauseous and dizzy. He suddenly remembered what had happened. The bastards shaved his head! He knew it was gone without having to feel it. The coldness of his head took him by surpise and he fought back the tears threatening to spill.

"Oh good you're awake!"

The voice took him by looked up to see a nurse and several orderlies standing there.

" is waiting for you. Now it would be in your best interest to not 's go."

They walked in and took hold of Face's arms, marching him from the room. As much as he hated what was being done to him, he couldn't help but feel relieved that it was him and not one of his friends.

Before he knew it the straight jacket was being removed and he was beng strapped down a table. His heart was pounding in his chest and for once in his life he actually felt scared. He watched Callahan enter the room and stand near his head. He whispered something to the nurse who nodded. A rubber mouth guard was placed in his mouth and as he heard the hum of the machine start up, he closed his eyes thinking of his friends.

His eyes clenched tighter and he lost all rational thought as electricity jolted through him. His body jerked and the mouth guard prevented any scream. The treatment stopped for a moment, then it started again,causing his body to go into convulsions.

"I think that's enough for now, depending on how he acts, we may try it again later. Clean him up and take him to his room. Keep an eye on him." Callahan said after checking Face's pulse and respirations.

The orderlies quickly cleaned up Face and settled him into his room. They left off the straight jacket, but strapped him down afraid he might hurt himself.

Face was in and out of consciousness. His body jerked uncontrollably and he couldn't hold a single thought for very long. Pain shot through his skull and darkness claimed him.

Murdock,who had been dancing around his room, suddenly stopped when a sharp pain in his head made him double over. He didn't often get headaches, but when he did they usually came on for a reason. Sometimes he suffered from what Richter called 'sympathy pains'. When one of the team was hurt, Murdock would often get a pain in the same spot the member of the team was injured in. When the pain didn't go away, he asked a nurse for some pain relief.

She smiled and handed him two white pills. He took them immediately and drifted off, unaware that the cause of his headache was in the same building, and in far worse conditon.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

The day after the treatment Face woke up completely disoriented. When the orderlies came to check on him he couldn't find the strength to answer them nor to fight them, in fact he couldn't do anything because he was having the worst headache of his life: lights hurt his eyes and when someone talked to him it felt like a pneumatic drill was drilling directly in his skull. He didn't even try to escape when they finally free him from the restraints but curled in a ball on the bed, whishing the pain to go away. He started to feel a little better around the late afternoon, he could now walk the few steps he was allowed in the small cell he was in. 

As long as his strength returned, he felt his anger growing inside him because he didn't like to be penned without a reason. In the room there was nothing except the small bed, the window was too high to reach and there were bars on the outside. The only way to go out was through the main door, but it was heavy and thick and with only a little peephole so it was impossible for him to see if there was someone on the outside and of course it was closed. 

In this kind of situation he would had suggested anyone not to panic but to stay calm and try to act normally, because it wouldn't do any good to put a fight when it was clear he was going to lose. But the EST he was given had been powerful and he was not his usual self. Now all he could think of was to escape and fight the enemies.

So when Dr. Callahan himself went to check on him, he ended up in restraints again.

Slightly annoyed for his patient's stubbornness, the doctor took his decision.

"John, I was hoping it wasn't needed but at this point I don't see any other choices!"

Then to the orderlies "He's listed for another EST session tomorrow. Get him ready by 9 a.m.!" and then left.

Face felt fear grip him again and begged to be released. He screamed at the orderlies they were doing a mistake.

"I'm not who you think I am! You've got to let me go!"

"I suggest you calm down now, John! You're going to have a difficult day tomorrow!"

"I'm not John, my name is Templeton Peck! I am a member of the A-team!"

"A-Team? Really? Ralph, does his chart says anything about this personality?"

"Uhm, no, it's not in the list."

"It's not in the list because I'm not John Kanter! I really am what I told you! Templeton Peck! Why don't you jackasses check this out?"

"Ok, ok, I've had enough for today."

Face felt a prick in his tight and before he knew he was unconscious again.

"See you tomorrow, pretty face!"

The following days Face endured two more EST sessions, only this time he barely had time to recover between one and another. After five days in the E-wing and because the last treatment had left him completely unresponsive, Dr Callahan declared he was able to come back the ward because he was no longer a danger to himself or other patients. 

He was satisfied by the results of the shock therapy and actually signaled his case as noticeable for an official study on side-effects of Electro Convulsive Therapy. Truth was Face was in and out of consciousness, he was awake but his mind was far away from reality. He didn't know where he was, sometimes he thought to be in Nam again and he frequently had nightmares in his sleep. In the few moments of awareness, he wondered what was Murdock doing but the thought of him and his friends confused him: who was him really? Doctors and orderlies called him John, but in his dreams he was Lieutenant Peck. 

Dreams and reality were mixed together so that he could not understand what was real and what was just his imagination.

When the orderlies took him back in the ward, Mr. Randall welcomed him with joy and stayed with him most of the day. He walked if they made him walk and he ate if they asked him to eat, but he made absolutely nothing on his own. His only coherent and voluntary action was to caress his head, that felt so cold.

On Friday morning, exactly 8 days after he was admitted, Murdoch finally found out who the new guy at the VA was. He had been sick for some days and spent most of the time in his room, because of the constant headache that wouldn't go away despite the usually powerful pills they gave him. 

He hadn't heard anything from Hannibal and was going to call him today. What he saw in the common sitting room made his blood chill in the veins: Face, without his beautiful hair, dressing a hospital gown, sitting with Mr. Randall who was as usual petting him but this time Face didn't stop him, simply because he was catatonic. He sat on the old couch near the window, his eyes were open but glassy and he wasn't moving at all. Murdock saw many times patients in this state: after the EST they all seemed lost and quiet, too damn quiet.

"They shocked him, they cut his hair, I told you!" Mr Randall explained to the pilot, who was clearly shocked by the lieutenant's aspect as he approached them, while Randall was clearly excited by the situation. The captain didn't reply but cast the older man a furious glance that made him quickly disappear without a word, leaving them alone. Not knowing what to do, Murdock cautiously went to sit beside his friend, not wanting to scare him. Face didn't move nor seemed to notice he was not alone.

"Facey, can you hear me, buddy? It's me, Murdock!"

When he got no answer, he knelt down in front of him so to look in his eyes, but they carried no recognition. The pilot tried his best to reach him but nothing seemed to work, he was too withdrawn in his own mind. At least he was quiet and he didn't fight him. After what seemed an eternity, Murdock felt him relax in his arms so he held him tighter, telling him again and again that he was going to be alright. When he absently rubbed his head, Face spoke very softly.

"They cut my hair".

This was a statement, not a question. This was the first words the poor man said in hours. Murdock considered it a progress. He continued to talk to him quietly until he felt Face had fallen asleep.

It was time to call for help! Murdock was scared. He had always counted on Face, he was his anchor in the bad days, the strong one always ready to help him and to protect him, since the days of Nam. But now their roles were on reverse! And he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to leave him but he had to call Hannibal and wait for him and BA to take them out of the facility.

"Stay where you are, I'll be back in a few minutes!" he whispered him softly.

On the phone, Murdock explained the Colonel what had happened.

"Colonel, we've got a problem!"

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

"Hannibal, we've got a problem! It's Face! He is …"

"Face? Did you hear anything from him?" the Colonel answered, interrupting the pilot.

"Yes! No! I mean…"

"Calm down, Captain, tell me what's going on. Do you know where Face is?" the older man replied, forcing his voice to remain steady despite the bad feelings he had about his second.

"He is at the VA. I saw him this morning in the common room. Jesus, Colonel, he is in bad shape, Hannibal! They shocked him, I don't know how many times. He is in really bad shape, I don't know what do to!" Murdock almost cried out.

A million questions crossed the Colonel's mind but he first needed to reassure the pilot and make sure he would take care of the lieutenant.

"Captain, I need you to take care of Face while you are at the asylum. Stay with him, me and BA will be there in a few hours to get you out. Do you think you can do it?"

He heard the younger man take a deep breath before answering him in a more controlled voice. "Yes, sir! We'll be waiting for you!"

The pilot hang up the phone quickly before Hannibal could speak again and returned to sit beside his friend.

"Don't worry, Facey, Hannibal is coming to rescue us! You'll be alright! I've got you now!" he said, holding his friend in his arms again, letting him know he wasn't alone. He kept repeating the litany in a soft voice again and again, more to his own relief than to the younger man's, who didn't seem to notice what was going on around him. After a couple of hours, Murdock felt the urgency to release himself, he couldn't wait any longer. But when he tried to get up he realized Face was holding onto him, gripping his favorite t-shirt with both hands, his knuckles white with the effort. The gesture hit him deeply and he felt himself on the verge of tears.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to leave you. I've got you, you're safe now, kid!"

Kid! That was the nickname Hannibal called Face. Murdock thought it was particularly appropriate at the moment: the usual brilliant con-man, always perfectly dressed and self confident, seemed now a scared little boy with the biggest blue eyes he had ever seen.

Murdock couldn't tell if he was more scared for his friend's condition or for his own. He felt on the verge of losing his mind again but he held on, determined to do what he had been ordered to. Face, on the other side, was confused and vaguely aware of his surroundings, he couldn't tell if he was dreaming or not; he thought he knew the man who was holding him but he couldn't remember his name. His presence, though, made him feel safe and he held onto him.

When Hannibal and BA entered the facility, they found the two of them still holding to each other on the sofa. It took them some minutes to convince the pilot to let go of Face, and the lieutenant only grew agitated when BA tried to separate them. It was a desperate situation, because they had to be quick or the orderlies would had noticed them. With his own heart aching, Hannibal injected Face a relaxant to make him sleep and watched helplessly as the kid looked at him with fear and anguish in his eyes. 

That accomplished, the plan went easy and in a few minutes the four of them were in the van, with BA driving, Hannibal in his usual seat beside him, Murdock and Face in the back. Nobody spoke during the journey to their new accommodation for the next few days; the black man was driving silently, the colonel was looking outside of the window chewing his cigar, the pilot was holding the precious bundle in his arms, cradling him and softly crying to himself. Everyone of them was living his personal inferno in a different way. It was Hannibal that broke the silence, anyway. Being the leader of the group, he had to be strong even when he felt dead inside.

"BA, when we arrive at the cabin, take care of Face. Take him inside and in the main bedroom. I'll talk to Murdock!"

BA only grunted in answer. Five minutes later he was carrying a still unconscious Face in the small cabin; the relaxant the Colonel gave him was not too strong but the lieutenant was so weak that he was still groggy. The big man carefully deposited him on the bed, making sure he was comfortable. And waited for him to wake up. He could hear Hannibal talking to Murdock on the outside. For once, he wasn't mad at the pilot. Usually, the way he behave bothered him but this time he felt really sorry for him. The Colonel was trying to calm him, speaking to him like he was a little child. He was good at that. After ten minutes, Hannibal entered the room.

"How's he doing?" he asked, this time his worry evident in his tone.

"I don't know! He hasn't woke up yet! Hannibal, I've never seen Face like that! What are we gonna do?"

"First of all, I want to dress him in clean clothes. Come on, big guy, help me."

Together, they managed to clean Face a little and dress him in one of his pajamas, thinking he would feel better wearing his own clothes. Once they made him comfortable again under the covers, Hannibal directed BA in the sitting room but left the door of the bedroom open, in case the lieutenant would wake up. He explained him what little Murdock told him. If it was possible, BA paled when the colonel talked about Electro Shock Therapy. And then together they waited and prayed.

Around 2 a.m., six hours after they escaped from the facility, Face woke up in a dark room. He vaguely remember an orderly with grey hair injecting him something and a black orderly restraining him. The presence that helped him and took care of him was gone, he was alone now. Fear gripped him again, enveloping him like a thick blanket, leaving him unable to move and to breathe. He couldn't trust his voice to ask for help. 

But a moan escaped his lips and he heard movement outside the door, then the door was open. Face watched the grey orderly marching towards him, followed shortly by the black one. They talked to each other, then carefully approached the bed where he was sat on with his back on the headboard. 'This is a dream, come on Face wake up! They're not real, they're not real, they're only in your head!' he kept repeating to himself, watching the older man coming inexorably closer to him inch by inch. The moment he felt Hannibal cold hand on his, Face let out a incoherent scream and jumped out of bed, putting as much as distance as possible from the two men. He tried to make himself as small as possible in the far corner of the room. 

The two orderlies seemed unsure about what to do, then the bigger one took a step in his direction. Face felt himself shivering in fear but then the presence came back, bursting in the room, shouting at the two strangers and making them go away. Then his arms were around him, comforting and rocking him. He buried his face in the man's chest, wanting to became part of him, holding onto him with all his strength. "Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go!" he started to chant. 

The presence did not. He sat on the floor with him and caressed him until he felt safe enough to look him in the eyes. It was dawn. In the day light Face could finally see where he was and who was clinging to. For the first time he recognized his friend.

"Murdock, is that you?" he whispered.

The pilot finally saw a glimpse of recognition in the lieutenant's eyes and nodded.

"Yeah, Face, it's me! You're safe, buddy, you're safe! I won't let anybody hurt you again!"

But Face was still tense and confused.

"Am I dreaming?" he asked in a very small voice.

"No, you're not dreaming. I am real, see?" and he put the younger's man hand on his chest, to prove him he was solid. And smiled to him encouragingly.

The caring gesture was too much for the distressed man and soon the tears came. He cried until he fell asleep in Murdock's arms. Hannibal, who had been watching them from a security distance, came closer only when the pilot nodded his agreement and covered the two of them with a blanket.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

The following days were hard on the four men. Face made slow but steady improvements, at the end of the week he was almost normal but still dependent form Murdock. The captain, on his side, took his role of Guardian Angel of the youngest member of the team very seriously: in fact he hardly left his side. He always had a good word for him, a warm smile to make him feel better and he was the only one whom Face really talked to.

Hannibal couldn't do anything to help him, because when he tried to, the kid was still scared of him. Even if now he had his memories back, it was like there was a invisible line to separate him from the rest of the world, except from Murdock. It was like he was running on auto-pilot but he wasn't really with them: he did what they expect him to do but nothing more. One time Face was sitting outside of the cabin, alone. Hannibal approached him quietly but the younger man was lost in his thoughts and he didn't see him coming. 

So when the Colonel patted him on the shoulder, he nearly jumped out of his own skin; then, with a huge effort, he resist the urge to go searching for Murdock, but he kept looking for him with his eyes, scanning his surroundings every now and then. He did his best to answer Hannibal's questions but he remained tense. Finally, Murdock emerged from behind a bunch of threes and came to sit near them, his long arm resting protectively on the smaller man's shoulders. The Colonel almost hear him crying in relief, relaxing in the comfort of the pilot's warmth. To him, Face still had a long road to go.

On the fifth days after the rescue, after discussing the subject with BA, Hannibal had a long talk with the Captain. The pilot agreed with his boss that Face needed to be more independent from him.

That night, Murdock found Face in the sitting room and decided it was now or never.

"Bad dreams?" he asked casually.

"Not really. I just can't sleep!"

"Want to talk about it?"

"About what? I just can't sleep, that's all."

"Come on, Facey, do you think I am stupid? What's bothering you? You know you can trust me, do you?"

Face only nodded but didn't reply. But Murdock insisted on the subject. He pulled the younger man close to him and relaxed when he did comply without fighting him. On the contrary, he snuggled even closer so to rest his head on the pilot's chest.

"What's going on in that little blonde head of yours, brother? Come on, talk to me!"

"It's nothing, really…"

"When it comes to you, nothing means everything. Please, Face, let me help you."

"I can't… please… don't make me…"

"Yes, you can. I won't think less of you, you know! Please, talk to me. Let me help you!"

"You'll think I've lost my mind…"

"Hey, I am the official and the only one Fool of this team. You are the smart one!"

"I am not the same person of three weeks ago, Murdock! I don't think I can do this job anymore!"

"Why do you think so?"

"Because I can't stop being scared. Sometimes I go somewhere and then I don't remember how I got there or what I was doing. One moment I am helping BA to carry the supplies in the cabin, the next one it's dinner time and Hannibal says me he didn't know I could cook this well but I don't remember having cooked. I keep having flashbacks of Nam… during the day, Murdock! I'm not talking about nightmares! What if I have a flashback when I am among people, I could kill someone! Jesus, I could kill you or Hannibal and not know it. Oh God! I don't know what to do! I don't want to leave… but… what else can I do?"

"Oh, baby, I didn't know it was so bad! When did it start? Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"I didn't see the point to tell you. I am bothering you enough already!"

"What? What did you just say? Listen carefully, because I'm saying this only once. YOU ARE NOT BOTHERING US! We are a Team! When a member of the team is down, the others help him! Did you understand, Face? We will help you, no matter how much you will whine about it!"

"I am a mess, Murdock!"

"Shhh, you've done enough talking for tonight! Just say you'll accept our help! And promise me next time you lose conception of time or you feel disoriented or you have a flashback, you come to us."

"I don't know what to say…"

"Say yes, Face!" Hannibal interrupted the quiet dialogue.

"Let us help you, little brother!" BA added.

Tears swimming in his eyes, Face turned towards the door of the sitting room and watched the two men coming closer to him, felt their warmth, their affection. How could he deny anything to them?

"Hannibal… I need you help…" he finally whispered.

The older man held him close and this time Face wasn't afraid of him.

He was going to be alright.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Some days after, Hannibal decided to leave the cabin. It was dangerous for them to stay in the same place for very long time. They were used to live that way so it was no big deal for Hannibal, Murdock and BA, just routine. They packed their personal belongings and were ready to go. But then Face was nowhere to be seen. He had helped the others to carry their things in the van and had returned inside to check for the last time if they had missed something. Then he disappeared. Hannibal was worried because if the kid didn't want to be found, right there in the woods, he could certainly succeed in his purpose thanks to his military training.

"We need to find him! He is somewhere around the cabin. I left him only ten minutes ago so he can't have walked a long distance. Murdock, you search the area around the cabin, me and BA…" but the Colonel didn't finish his sentence because he spotted the lieutenant sat on a rock not very far from them.

Murdock and BA, at the sight of their distressed friend, exchanged worried glances and waited for Hannibal's orders.

"Wait here, I'm gonna go talk to him."

Face didn't notice the three men. Since Hannibal had announced them they had to leave, he felt sick. He knew the Colonel was right but he didn't want to go, either. In the quiet of the woods he felt safe, he was actually feeling better, the memory gaps were less frequent now. No, he did have to stay exactly there. He wasn't ready to face the world. He tried to convince himself that he was going to be alright but it was useless. 

He felt on the verge of a panick attack and tried to behave naturally, but his companions knew him very well, plus the idea of letting them see him in this agitated state only made things worse. He wished he could just disappear in a hole in the ground, but then Hannibal spotted him. Should he try and escape? Stupid idea. Then what? Confess he was scared shitless? Yes, it was true, he was scared and confused; he hated to feel weak and hated not being able to mask his discomfort but he couldn't find the strength to pretend everything was alright. 

The more he thought about the situation the more agitated he grew. Hannibal was walking towards him, in a few minutes he was going to see he had cried and asked him what was the matter. And he had no answers to give him, no logical answers, and he couldn't accept this. Fear enveloped him once again and he could hear his heart thundering in his chest. So when the Colonel spoke to him he couldn't understand his words at first. 

He stared at him, then closed his eyes, hoping he would magically disappear. Instead of going away, Hannibal sat on the rock beside him. He sat there in silence, he did not force him to talk. He waited and took out a cigar, then light it up. The gesture made Face laugh.

"Don't you know it's dangerous? You could start a fire."

Hannibal, relieved that Face had finally came out of his shell, couldn't suppress a smirk.

"It's going to be cold in a while, I thought if we are going to sit on this rock all day we could use some warmth!"

But the joke didn't help it and Face fell silent again. Hannibal didn't move. He knew it was useless to force the situation. He had to wait until the lieutenant felt comfortable to confess what was eating him. Five minutes later, Face couldn't handle the situation anymore and started to cry softly. Hannibal didn't waste time, but held him in a strong embrace, trying to comfort him.

"Hey, shhh, calm down now. I've got you, you're safe now!"

Despite his best efforts, the caring words of his CO pierced his solid armor. Still hating himself for being so childish and so weak, he let the older man take care of him once again when the sobs came.

"Are you scared to leave this place, isn't it? You don't want other people to see you now, because you're still recovering and they could see through your masks. You don't want the world to see your weakness. Is that what you think? That if we stay here for another week or two things will be different and you will feel more confident. Am I right?"

"Something like that…" whispered Face in return.

"You're the most stubborn creature I've ever met, kid! You know I won't force you to do anything you don't feel up to. Nobody expects you to bounce back to your usual life after what you've been through. I'm sorry I didn't understand you were in trouble sooner! If I had known… There's one thing I've never told you! All those years, I would had gone crazy if not for you and BA and Murdock. You are my family, you're all my life! I just want you to feel better and I don't care if it takes you a week, a month or a year. I will be with you every step of the way. I don't want you to feel embarrassed to show your emotions with me. You don't have to con me, do you understand? So cry if you want to, but don't let go! I won't let you down. You won't get rid of me easily!"

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…"

"No more excuses, Lieutenant! Just tell me when you're ready to go!"

"I'm ready, Colonel! Thank you, sir!"

Murdock and BA, who had watched the scene from their position, both smiled when the two men walked together the short distance to the van and stepped inside.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Two weeks after they left the cabin, the team was back from the first mission after Face's "accident" at the VA. Despite the still fragile lieutenant's psychological state, Hannibal insisted for them to honor the commitment planned. Nobody of them thought about leaving him behind and all considering the mission went well. It was an easy job, anyway, but they feared the Lt couldn't be trusted in action as before; no one admitted it openly but Face knew it. The idea of being "tested" wasn't appealing but he knew, in the back of his mind, that it was the way they always treated Murdock. 

Well, it wasn't totally true. He himself had always trusted the Captain, despite his strange behaviour. No, that wasn't true either. He trusted him most of the times but when things went bad he always feared the captain could lose his mind in the middle of an op and be in danger or worse: made them all in danger. So why now he felt betrayed? And besides, Hannibal and BA didn't treat him differently than in the past. 

So maybe it was only his nervous reaction to the stress of the work. The fact that he couldn't sleep more than three hours per night didn't help, anyway. The nightmares plagued him every night and every night Hannibal was there to tell him, again and again, he was alright. Because the Colonel had insisted for him not to sleep alone, as a result Hannibal himself had very little sleep at night; during the day he sometimes managed to get some rest but he couldn't tell if the older man did the same. Last week, during the mission, they all were very busy and the tension between them was palpable.

When they arrived at the motel where they decided to rest for a couple of days, Hannibal's only thought was to collapse on the bed and sleep the night away. As usual, he and Face shared a room while Murdock and BA shared the nearest one. 

As usual, Face's night wasn't peaceful as he wished. He dreamt about the VA again: he was running in the corridor of the facility, trying to escape; he ran as fast as he could on jelly legs and of course the orderlies were faster than him; they easily caught him and held him down so that he felt the hard floor scratch his face. He tried to scream, to ask for help but no sounds emerged from his throat. 

Then they put a straightjacket on him, carried him on a gurney and secured him with restraints so that he could not move; from his supine position Face could now only see the white fluorescents lights of the long corridor and sometimes the laughing face of an orderly that came into his field vision; then the movement stopped abruptly and the gurney was taken into an open door, where Face knew what was going to happen. Again, he tried to break free, he tried to scream but it was useless. 

He couldn't hear what people around him in the operation room were saying because the only sound he could detect was the frantic beating of his own heart. Then one of the orderly took him by the shoulders and started to shake him hard and he felt he couldn't breathe. He closed his eyes. 

When he opened them again Hannibal was in front of him, shaking him and shouting at him. Too confused to understand what had happened, he closed his eyes again hoping it was just a very bad dream. But then he felt himself being roughly pinned to the wall and the hot breath of his CO on his face; he didn't try to fight him and he didn't speak. That seemed to make the older man more furious. And then the arm that was holding him in place, compressing his chest so bad it was hard to breath, was removed but seconds later he was flying across the room only to crumple in a miserable heap in the far corner near the window, crashing the night table in his fall. 

The world around him started to spin and his vision was unfocused. He was only vaguely aware of hurried heavy steps on the floor, more shouting, then the pain exploded in his chest as a solid fist connected with his ribs and left him without breath, little white dots filling his vision. He felt gentle hands holding him upright and then everything went black as he lost consciousness.

Just a few minutes before hell broke loose in room 23, Hannibal was woken by Face's cries. He was having a nightmare, again, and he himself was going to lose another night of deserved sleep.

"Jesus Christ!" he muttered angrily. "What the fuck is wrong with you, lieutenant? Why can't you just sleep, for once, at night? How many times do we have to act the same damn scene?" he shouted at Face, shaking him by the shoulders. When he got no answer from the terrified man, he felt anger rising in his chest. He easily pinned the younger man to the wall, holding him in position with his left arm, slamming his right fist to the wall.

"Answer me, Lieutenant! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? I said, answer me! It's an order, Goddamn it!" and he slammed his fist to the wall again.

BA and Murdock, who were sleeping in the near room, having heard the commotion hurried in just in time to see the Colonel throwing Face in the far corner of the room. They quite couldn't believe their own eyes. But they recovered quickly from their stupor, sensing if they wouldn't do anything Hannibal was going to kill their friend.

"Hannibal, what the hell is happening here?" the sergeant hisses between clenched teeth, not wanting to startle Face more than he really was.

Distract by the sudden intrusion, Hannibal turned towards the door and fixed a deathly cold stare on the big black man.

"Just teaching my lieutenant how to show respect to his superior!"

Murdock, who was standing beside BA, paled at the harsh words of the man who had always trusted more than his life. Face was laying on the floor and trying to get up on his feet but he was too weak to made it on his own. Hannibal saw it and tried to reach for him, ready to hit him again but BA stopped him just in time. Murdock hurried to his side and helped him to sit up.

"I think it's enough, Colonel! You've done enough damage so far! I'm sure he has learnt the lesson very well. Now, BA, why don't you take our CO outside so I can take care of Face?" the pilot asked, but that wasn't a question, his tone was almost menacing. Always maintaining eye contact with Hannibal, he took Face in his arms, trying to give him some comfort.

But Hannibal was too furious to simply let the matter drop.

"I'm not taking orders from you, Captain! Now, get out of my way so I can take care myself of that little silly boy who's supposed to be an Army Ranger!" he yelled him in reply.

Murdock could feel the tremors running through Face's body. He hoped he hadn't understood Hannibal's words, because if he had…

Feeling the tension in the room increasing dangerously, BA made his move, positioning himself between Hannibal and the duo, so to be able to block him in case he would had gone mad again.

"You're not going anywhere near him, Colonel! I don't want to fight you so come on, let's go outside before someone hear us and call the police!" he offered quietly. Hannibal fell silent. BA tensed even more. A silent Colonel wasn't a good sign.

"Hannibal, listen to me, we still can adjust the situation! We…"

"We? We what? We can pretend anything had happened? Do you think the little shit you and Murdock are trying to defend is going to forgive me? No, you're wrong! He should had never been part of my team, to begin with! Don't you see? He can't even manage a little rough treatment! Fuck, he is nothing but a liability, it's a shame for the whole Army! And you, if you continue to help him, you two are not better than him! Now, Sergeant, what do you want to do?"

Stunned by the venomous words, BA let his guard down for just a second. Hannibal noticed and lunched him at Face again, punching him in the chest. Hard. He turned to look at his sergeant, wearing a cruel smirk on his face and opened his mouth to speak when Murdock knocked him out cold. He fell limp to the floor beside him and Face. BA quickly carried him in the other room, depositing him on the bed. He then locked the door from the outside and hurried back to Face's side.

"How's he doing?"

"He passed out, but I think he's going to be ok! He's breathing ok, so I'm not worried about his ribs. He's going to be sore for a while but at least nothing is broken. Help me to lay him on the bed so I can have a better look at him."

They carefully strip him of his clothes, cleaned the multiple cuts and bruises, re-dressed him and made him comfortable under the covers. Once BA had cleaned the room, it seemed nothing had happened, except they knew nobody of them would had forgot the words that were said.

"If you don't mind, BA, I'm staying with Face tonight. When he wakes up, I don't want him to be alone."

"Alright, I'm going to see if Hannibal has come to. Anyway, we are going to talk to him tomorrow, just the two of us!"

"Face won't understand, you know that? Maybe he had not understand the Colonel's words, but he will want to know who beat him. What are we going to say him?"

"I still don't know. I'll think about it! I just hope Face doesn't take it bad. I don't know if we can arrange things this time!"

"If Hannibal doesn't change his mind, I'm taking Face away with me. You… do what you feel you have to, but I'm not letting Hannibal destroy him. He doesn't know what Face had gone through, hell I don't know it myself."

"We'll take care of him! I'm going now, if you need me you know where I am!"

"Thanks, big guy!"

"You're welcome, Murdock!"

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Murdock spent the rest of the night vigiling Face. He woke up shortly after BA left the room asking about Hannibal. When the pilot gave him a vague answer, he didn't seem convinced but he still felt tired and gratefully accepted the occasion to come back to sleep. 

Several hours later he woke up again, asking about Hannibal again and this time he wasn't satisfied when Murdock told him he was in the other room, sleeping with BA. Because it simply didn't make any sense. Face knew when something was wrong with the Team. And Murdock was acting strange, too: he was hovering over him like he was sick, but he wasn't. Granted, he was tired and sore, but that was to be expected. 

He was almost dead on his feet the previous night and had hoped to be able to get a real night sleep, but the nightmares didn't leave him. At it felt so real! 

Deciding he needed a shower, he got up and noticed, for the first time, several new bruises on his abdomen. He shift his gaze to the pilot, who was staring at him with a anguished look on his face. Deciding he was not in the mood to play games, he didn't wait for him to talk but entered in the bathroom and started the shower. 

Fifteen minutes later, freshly shaved and dressed, he felt much better. He found Murdock sat in the same chair he was in when he woke up, looking lost in his thoughts; something was wrong with him, otherwise he would had been watching Woody Wood Pecker on TV and talking nonsenses.

"Something's wrong, buddy?" he asked in a casual tone.

Because he didn't receive any answers, he knelt down in front of him so to look him in the eyes.

"Did something happened to Hannibal? Is he alright?" he asked again and this time he got Murdock's attention, hoping his voice did sound steady.

"Don't worry about him. He's fine!" the pilot replied, his tone flat and void of emotion.

"But something is wrong, I know it, Murdock. Come on, talk to me! Is it BA?" he urged, trying at the same to be gentle so not to startle the man.

"No, he is fine."

Since the pilot refused to speak more words than necessary, Face began to worry. If it wasn't Hannibal nor BA, what could have possibly happened to shock him this way? It wasn't him, because he was alright. A thought crossed his mind and he took both Murdock's hand in his, squeezing them gently, relieved when the pilot looked at him and he seemed lucid.

"Are YOU alright? Did anyone hurt you?"

Murdock could not believe Face was asking him if HE was alright. The events of the previous night were still perfectly clear in his mind. 

He knew he had to give Face an explanation, he thought about it all night. While watching his friend sleeping, he wondered if he was able to lie to him but then he thought better. Lying was never a good thing. 

To tell him the truth was the only option. 'You had a nightmare, Hannibal got mad at you and beat you. Me and BA went in the room as soon as we heard the noises and saved you. Hannibal is leaving. From now it's just you and me!' But then, who was he kidding? Face wouldn't accepted it, he would had wanted to know why it all happened. And he didn't have an answer for this. 

Maybe Hannibal lost his mind. Maybe he was just tired after many nights of taking care of Face. Maybe they had to insist more with the Colonel, letting him get his rest when they saw he was exhausted. But Hannibal had been categorical: it was his fault the kid had been in trouble; when he disappeared, he presumed he was somewhere with a lady and didn't think about it until it was too late. 

Both Murdock and BA tried to convince him it wasn't true, that if it was Hannibal's fault then it was also their own fault. Anyway, at this point, it was useless to think about what they had or hadn't done. Face wanted answers and he was going to give him them. 

He only hoped BA wouldn't get mad at him when he knew he hadn't waited for him, as they planned the night before. Once he finally took his decision, he noticed that Face was still talking to him, concern now clearly displayed in his attitude and voice. 

Without thinking about it, he got on his feet and took the smaller man in his arms hugging him tightly, then guided him to the bed where they sat in silence. The pilot take a deep breath, then mimicked the gesture of his friend and took both Face's hands in his . The Lieutenant watched him with a confused expression. 'Time to face the music!' Murdock thought to himself.

"Face, what do you remember about last night?" he asked softly, never letting go of his hands.

"Last night? Murdock, you're scaring me! You know what happened last night. We were all tired and went to sleep. Now, will you tell me what you're not telling me?"

"Face… I… it's difficult to explain…"

"Just say it, please! If Hannibal is in trouble, just tell me!"

"I've already told you Hannibal is fine. And yes, he's in trouble… but you don't have to worry about it, BA is taking care of him now!"

"Was he hurt? I want to see him!"

Face made a move to stand but Murdock grabbed him by the shoulders and sat him back beside him.

"Will you be still for a moment, Face? I'm going to answer all your questions, just have a little patience… it's not easy to say!"

Face didn't think it was possible because now he felt scared, confused and shocked at the same time, but did as he was told and waited for the other man to speak. He could see how nervous Murdock was too and decided to let him play his game.

"Last night, as you said, we were all tired and went to sleep early. Around 1:00 a.m. we heard noises coming from yours and Hannibal's room, it seemed that two people were fighting. We believed there was a thief but when we entered the room… we saw it was you and Hannibal…"

"Me and Hannibal fighting? Don't you think I would remember it if it was true?" Face interrupted but the captain silenced him holding up his hands.

"Please, let me finish! You were not exactly fighting… Hannibal was fighting you, you were just trying to defend yourself… Then he threw you across the room, you crashed the night-table in your fall, BA tried to stop him but the colonel was faster than him and attacked you again… punched you in your middle… that's when I knock him out! Then BA took him in our room while I stayed with you for the night!"

At first, Face couldn't believe his own ears. There was no way Hannibal would had done it to him. He had always considered him more as a father than his boss and he was sure the older man felt the same way about him. 

When they were not on a mission, he used to call him "kid": that explained just about everything. No, Murdock should had misunderstood the situation. But, on the other hand, why should he lie to him? All he knew about last night was the horrible dream he had: being forced in the straight-jacket again, not being able to escape, until they took him in the treatment room and the orderlies were laughing at him… The only thought of it made him shiver, Murdock noticed it and rubbed his back with his right hand while he caressed his blonde hair with the other, trying to comfort him.

"Are you ok, Face?"

Suppressing the need to run away and hide in the dark corner of the room, he forced himself to talk and look at the pilot.

"I don't remember anything of what you said, if that happened, I… I don't remember it!"

Murdock knew what Face was thinking, because he felt the same way.

"Do you think I would lie to you, buddy? Honestly, do you think I would do it? And why? We both know the Colonel since how many? Fifteen years? We are family to each other! But… I don't know what happened last night, he was mad at you… And you, well, maybe you were still caught up in your nightmare because you didn't try to fight him back. And the things he told you… I'm so sorry, Face! I'm sorry you had to listen such harsh words! I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you…"

Face felt his own heart break in one million pieces. He didn't want to know but he had to ask, anyway, even if he wasn't sure he could handle another shock.

"What did he say?" he managed to whisper, refusing to maintain eye contact with the pilot and lowering his head.

"Nonsenses, nothing you need to hear again!"

"I want to know!"

"Face… I don't see what good would it do to you! Besides, I don't want to think about it anymore!"

"Murdock, I understand what you're trying to do. But I am a grown man, I can handle the situation!"

"I'm sure you can… I don't know if I can myself!"

Shifting on the bed so to face the pilot, the lieutenant looked again in his brown eyes and mustered all his courage before speaking again.

"I know it's hard for you but you have to understand… Since I don't remember any of it, I need to know what happened… even the worst part, I need to know the details so I can have a picture of the situation…"

"I already gave you all the details, believe me!"

"Murdock, I want to know what Hannibal said about me… Come on, if you were in my shoes, you would do the same! You know it!"

"Face, you know I love you like a brother and I would die for you. But I can't do what you're asking me. I'm sorry. Call me a coward if you want! I personally don't want to think about it anymore. We stopped Hannibal in time and you're ok now, that's all it matters to me now. If you want you can ask BA…"

"You can ask ME, Face!" Hannibal's gruff voice said, from the now open door.

In a fraction of seconds, Face stood up. When he took a step towards the older man, Murdock stopped him and positioned himself between the two while BA stepped in the room and went beside the Colonel. A sad, tired smile appeared on the Colonel's face but eyes were telling another story.

"I swear I won't hurt him, please, I only want to talk!" he declared quietly, almost with resignation. When the pilot and the black man nodded their agreement, he relaxed a fraction and took an hesitant step toward Face. The lieutenant, on his side, was relieved to see his boss alive and in good shape.

"Hannibal, are you alright?" he asked.

'I was going to kill him and he's worried about me! What did I do to deserve him?'

"I'm fine, Face, it's you I was worried about!"

"Colonel, I can assure you all I am fine. Now, will you just tell me what happened last night? Since I don't remember any of it! That's all I ask for."

Hannibal wanted nothing more than hold his "kid" and cancel the last 12 hours but he couldn't, plus he knew searching physical contact with him wasn't the right move at the moment. Maybe Face could still trust him, but surely Murdock and BA did not. Not after last night anyway. And once Face knew the whole story…

"What Murdock told you is true. I'm sorry Face, I am terribly sorry it happened… I know it's not enough for you. I have no excuse! I lost my mind, it was like I was running in autopilot. You know, I was exhausted, I had very little sleep in these past weeks. I should have known better, I should have let you two help me when you offered to! Murdock, BA, I am sorry. I apologies to you all, especially you, Face! All I can say to my defense is I was not myself! Are you sure you are alright?"

"Yes, for the tenth time, I am just fine. And… don't worry… I know you were tired because I didn't let you sleep at night, because of the nightmares… I know that and I don't blame you, Hannibal. Besides, I can handle a bit rough treatment, you know!"

"That's not what he said last night!" BA stammered to himself a little too loud and Face heard him.

"What do you mean?" he asked sharply to the black man, then turned to look at Hannibal. "I want to know what you said, Hannibal, you said 'Ask me', well I'm asking you now!"

Hannibal really didn't have the heart to repeat his performance but he had a long talk with BA on the subject. He had promised to tell Face everything, to be honest with him and he was going to maintain his word, even if it could cost him to lose his lieutenant.

"I called you little silly boy supposed to be an Army Ranger, little shit, a liability, a shame for the whole Army. I told that you should had never been part of my team, and that you couldn't even manage a little rough treatment."

When the echo of Hannibal's words died in the room, nobody talked. Murdock instinctively came closer to Face and once again kept rubbing his back, making him know he was there for him if he needed someone to hold on to. However, the lieutenant had different ideas and just needed to be alone at the moment because the words his boss used to define him, even if they were not meant to, hurt him more than he thought possible. He hoped to be able to walk the few steps to the door without falling to the ground, he wasn't sure his shaky legs could hold him up. Anyway, he was determined not to show his weakness to the older man so he put on his best smile, look him directly in eyes and spoke very clearly.

"You make your point very clear, Sir! Now if you don't mind I'm going out to breathe some fresh air!"

Hannibal watched Face standing in front of him, waiting for his permission to exit the room.

"Face…" but the words died on Hannibal's lips when he saw Murdock and BA watching him and waiting for him to do the right thing. "Permission to go out. At ease, lieutenant!" he replied finally.

He watched the youngest member of his team gathering all his strength and going out of the suffocating air of the room.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Four and a half weeks later, Hannibal received a letter.

Hannibal

I'm sorry I left without a word. I'm sorry if you worried about me, it wasn't my intention. If you can accept it, I would like to give you an explanation for my actions; if not, I understand.

After our last night together and the discussion we had, I felt really bad. Now I know you didn't mean to hurt me on purpose and those words were just the results of many sleepless nights and days. At the moment, however, all I could think of was to run away from you because I failed you. So I asked Murdock to pack my belongings, I knew if I had done it myself you would had stopped me and asked me to stay and, despite I'd wished to, I couldn't let you take that chance. 

I needed to be alone, I needed to understand if I could make it on my own. You and the guys had always taken care of me since the very beginning, maybe because I was younger than you or I was smaller than you, I don't know. Anyway, I can't recall how many times you saved me from dangerous situations. I am perfectly aware that if I asked you to, you would had helped me and given me your time and support and much more. 

But you have to understand. I have been on my own for too many years, since I was a child. I learnt on my skin not to trust people, because even the more gentle and caring ones could hurt you. I built up my shell, I swore to myself I would had been independent and never looked back. Except for Father Magill and Leslie, I've never loved anybody in my early life nor I left anybody love me. 

With Leslie, you know, I thought I have finally found my way: getting married, buying a house, having children and growing old with the woman I loved more than my life. When she left me without a reason I decided I had been a fool, once again, and that I would had never ever let anyone come real close to me in the future. 

I joined the Army, I became a Ranger then I went to Vietnam. I used to have friends, to play games, to date women but I've never let anybody see my real self. To them, I was always brilliant, smart and "happy". Don't get me wrong, I loved them but I would had survived even without them. You said me once you were impressed by me because of the way I was on a mission: it is not that I wasn't scared, I was most of the times, the difference with the others was that I had nothing to lose. 

The shell I built to defend myself in all those years helped me to survive tragic situations, to put aside my feelings and trust my instinct. When you requested me for your unit, I was honored because of your reputation.

So here we are, here comes the most difficult part. In the last years you have been like family to me. You mean everything to me, I couldn't live without you. I consider you more like a father – the father I've never had - than a boss and I consider Murdock and BA like brothers. My feelings for you all are deep. I can honestly say I love you, truly. 

But then, what did I gave you in return? The same old face, the same old lies. Yes, I loved you yet I couldn't trust you enough to let you have me completely, to let you see what was hidden under my many masks. 

I was afraid that if you had seen the real Templeton Peck you wouldn't have liked him because he is very different from the image I built up. I was afraid that if you saw my weakness, my insecurity, my sensibility, my fear, my vulnerability you would had rejected me. 

Rationally, I knew I was wrong. Emotionally, I couldn't stand the idea of losing you. This is the reason for BA thinks I am selfish and egocentric; he sees what I want him to see, in some way. I wanted you all to believe I was invincible, while I was not, and that nothing could hurt me. 

Now I know I've made many mistakes and I really wish you can forgive me if I gave you the impression of not caring about you.

I am sorry you have to know it this way. I would have preferred to talk to you directly but I'm not sure I could have done it.

After I went away, I spent a week in an isolated cabin – like the one we stayed for two weeks after the VA – but I had serious troubles. I couldn't sleep at night nor during the day and I felt abandoned, even if I knew it was my choice to run away from you! I didn't want to admit to myself that I needed help. 

Then Murdock came to see how I was doing and convinced me to accept his help: he offered me to talk to Dr. Richter but I was too scared to return at the facility, almost hysterical. So he talked to Father Magill and he gave Murdock the address of a rehab facility where he thought they could help me. We went to visit it and the day after I signed in myself. 

I wish I could tell you where it is or its name, but they have a program here that I have to follow: they don't allow visits and they didn't even allow patients to talk to their families on the phone in the first month. I have been here for three weeks now and normally I should had to wait for another week to contact you, but my counselor thought it would be a good therapy for me to write down my feelings and tell you what I haven't told you in all these years. 

I still have nightmares at night, but they are slowly fading away and I am feeling better. I can sleep now 5 hours per night, I consider it a progress. I have four sessions per week with a counselor, the one I talked you about before, he is a really ok guy, we talk a lot. Well, I talk while he listens to me most of the time. He is really helping me! 

For the rest of the time, when I am not involved in some therapy group, I'm working in the vegetable garden with other patients. You should see it, it's huge! There is also a gym where I work out every day.

I don't know how much time do I have to stay here, the doctors said I am free to leave whenever I want since I signed in myself but they strongly recommended me to stay as long as to finish the program I have started. It should take me another two months and one week. 

They don't use pills here or anything conventional. We talk about ourselves, we talk about our needs and our fears and our past with the doctors and the other patients. Sometimes it's scary. Sometimes I feel I can't let go, I can't let them so close to me. The first week I was here I almost had a panick attack and I wanted to go away, but Ray (my counselor) didn't let me; he said running away was not a solution and that I had to learn to trust myself and trust other people. That I have to accept myself in every aspects, because I was not only Faceman, but also Templeton. 

Since then, I've never talked about going away anymore. I know I have a long road to go. I've always had some problems accepting myself, but after the ECTs I had at the VA, it seemed to me I was out of control. I don't know why they like to mess with people's mind.

I hope you're not mad at me. I asked Murdock not to tell you where I was going but I also insisted for him to tell you I was alright so you didn't have to worry about me. I swear I'm not going to disappear. If you still want me in your Team, Hannibal, and if you can wait for me, I'd like to come back as soon as I am functional again.

I also hope to see you next next week, if you want to visit me. The rehab facility has a beautiful park where we can have a picnic or something.

Tell Murdock I miss him and take care of him for me. Tell BA I miss him too.

Hannibal, take care of yourself and get some decent sleep.

I love you.

Temp

When Murdock and BA came back from the grocery store, they found the Colonel on the sofa of their new accommodation. He was pale and he had cried but on his lisp there was a warm smile.

"Hannibal, is something wrong?" the black man asked immediately concerned.

"Nothing is wrong, on the contrary. My prodigal son is coming back to me… to us!" he stated, looking at the two men with relief. And he handed them the letter Face had sent him and they read it and they also cried.

TBC (Epilogue)


	12. Chapter 12

The night before Hannibal, BA and Murdock went to visit their friend, nobody of them slept too well. They had kept on working but they all had missed Face. Working was a good thing becuase it helped them to focus on the present. 

They were all excited to visit Face, especially Murdock; BA tried not to show it but he was happy too. Hannibal was grateful he had been given a second opportunity with the kid and he swore to himself that this time he wouldn’t had ruined everything. 

He had secretly enjoyed sleeping with him, taking care of him while he was terrified in his dreams; at night, Face’s masks were off and it was easier to talk to him, to feel him. Of course Hannibal would had given his life for every member of his team but Face was special to him; he was stubborn and there were many things Hannibal disliked about him, but he loved him. 

He loved him like a son. Or maybe a little more? He decided it was not the time to think about it. Maybe later. When Face would be better, when they would be all together again. Maybe. Or maybe not? The only thing he knew for certain was that he missed him very much and the thought of spending a whole day with the man made him feel “strange”: in fact he didn’t remember the last time he felt butterflies in the stomach. Luckily, his musings were interrupted by a hyperactive pilot.

“If you’re ready, Colonel, we’re ready to go!” Murdock announced happily. 

Hannibal followed him and in less than two hours they reached their destination. The facility was called “Sunshine Village” and it was in the center of a small valley: it was like a fairytale! They left the van in the parking space and followed the signals that led the way towards a small path in the wood; in less than five minutes they arrived at the main entrance of the complex. They had half expected to see orderlies at the gate but to their surprise they saw it was open and people came in and out freely. There were no men in white nor doctors in white coats. 

They didn’t know where Face was so they followed the signals to the main building where there were the offices, the canteen and the common rooms. At the desk, dressed in a clear blue t-shirt and a simple pair of jeans, a young secretary welcomed them brightly. 

“Good morning. How can I help you?”

“We’re here to see Templeton Peck, Madame!” Hannibal replied politely.

“You must be John Smith then. Temp told me funny things about you! He was so excited yesterday that you were coming to visit him he almost forgot to eat!” she laughed and a genuine warm smile enlightened her face. She then took Hannibal arm in arm and guided them to the west wing, describing them the facility by the way, quietly talking and occasionally greeting patients. She stopped at the end of a corridor and the three men waited for further instructions.

“There is a porch outside this door. Temp is here. You can stay as long as you want, you can use the park area for a picnic if you want or you can go outside. Patients here are not secluded, as you can see. Just one thing: if you decide to stay for the night, you’ll have to tell me so I can fix you a room. And if you go outside, I mean if you leave the Village, just let us know when you think to come back. The gate is open during the day but we prefer to keep it closed at night, security reasons.”

“Thank you very much, Madame! We weren’t planning on staying for the night but we’ll tell you if we change our mind. About the rest…”

“You can tell me later, now go to your friend. And, Mr. Smith? Please, call me Gail!”

“Thanks, Gail!”

When she saw the three men frozen in front of the closed door, how nervous they were, she understood why Templeton loved them so much. She opened the door to the outside area and encouraged them to walk towards where Face was sat, talking with another man. 

He didn’t noticed them coming until they stopped a few meters from him. Feeling someone was watching him, he turned his head; in an instant, Murdock was clinging to him, hugging and kissing him and Face barely had time to stand to hold him up. When the pilot eventually let him go, it was BA’s turn to hold him. Hannibal watched the scene and smiled to himself, then engulfed the smaller man in his arms, drinking his scent. He then cupped the lieutenant’s face in both his hands and studied him closely, relieved when he saw the slight blush on his cheeks and the brightness in his eyes. 

“I’ve missed you so much, Kid!” he breathed in his hair and he felt Face smiling and relax against him. 

“I missed you too, Hannibal!” he replied in a very very soft voice.

They eventually disentangled. The man whom Face was talking to on the bench smiled and nodded to himself and BA gave him a curious look. Face noticed and smiled himself too.

“Guys, let me introduce Ray, my therapist. Ray, these are my friends!” 

Smiling again at the surprised look on the three faces, Ray held out his hand broadly and they exchanged the usual pleasantries.

“You must forgive us, doctor, but…” Hannibal started but was promptly interrupted.

“Please, John, can I call you John?” 

When the Colonel nodded he smiled again. 

“Good. Please, John, call me Ray. Here we like to think we are among friends!”

Hannibal felt ridiculously happy. Face couldn’t have chosen a better place to recover from his ordeal.

“No problem, that’s fine with me! So, Ray, you must forgive us but we were expecting a different… situation. I’m glad, though, that we were wrong.” The colonel admitted quietly.

“I know, I am used to it. When relatives come here for the first time it is always a shock to them, I mean they all seem to expect a place filled with high walls and barbed wire, huge orderlies and so on. Anyway, I don’t want you to waste your time.” He then turned to Face. “Templeton, have a good day with your friends. I told Gail to shift your session to tomorrow afternoon. Is it ok for you?” he asked.

“Thanks Ray! It’s fine. See you later, then!” Face replied. 

BA was shocked to see how his friend had changed; in the past, he wouldn’t had accepted any doctor to tell him what to do. 

Face had organized a simple but delicious party for them in the park, then he and Hannibal relaxed in the sun while BA and Murdock accepted to play some kind of baseball game with other patients of the Village. That gave them the occasion to talk about the last events occurred between them. Hannibal noticed with satisfaction that Face wasn’t afraid of him nor he tried to avoid him. On the contrary, he went to lie down beside him on the comforter he had provided them, resting his head on the older man’s shoulder. Hannibal felt incredibly lucky and blessed at the same time.

“So, tell me kid, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine, Hannibal. Really I am. I am just so happy you’re here today…”

“Me too, Face. I wish we could stay for the night but we have an appointment tomorrow for a job and we can’t really skip it!”

“I’m glad to hear that! You know, my worst fear was to go away and not find a Team when I’ll come back. You’re my family, I couldn’t survive without you!”

“Hey, don’t think about it now. Don’t be sad, baby. ‘Baby? Where does baby come from?’ We’re here and everything is fine. I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to help you when you needed me. I wanted to reply to your letter but I didn’t know where to address it, so…”

“Hannibal, you don’t have to say anything.”

“No, Face, I want you to know that it wasn’t your fault, that you didn’t fail me and that you don’t need to prove me anything. I choose you because of your skills but also because you’re a good person, Temp! I don’t want you to hide from me, you don’t have to be strong all the times. I know it’s not easy for you, but I want you to promise me one thing.”

“What?”

“That if you ever need anything from me or from the guys, you won’t feel ashamed and put your ego aside and come to us. Promise me that you won’t try to resolve your problems alone. I couldn’t survive without you either!”

“I promise you I’ll do my best, Colonel! I’m sorry if I screwed-up the way I did…”

Feeling Face was growing upset, he silenced him gently and reassured him.

“It’s all in the past. I don’t want you to think about it anymore. We’re going to start again, me and you and the team. From now on I want you to concentrate on the present. I want you to finish your therapy here and then you decide what do you want to do. No, no, listen to me, LT… You’ve still got a long road ahead of you, I don’t want to rush you. As for now, just think about getting better. It’s all I ask from you. Can you do it?”

Face sighed and relaxed again. Hannibal’s words worked magic for his still pretty delicate psychological state. 

“I can do it! Thank you, Colonel!”

The silence that followed was a good one, the kind of silence of two people who felt comfortable with each other and didn’t need words to express their feelings. The two men rested on the green surface for about an hour without being disturbed, then Murdock and BA joined them again. Face showed them the rest of the facility and the rest of day just slipped away peacefully. At 7 p.m. Hannibal, Murdock and BA left the Village but not before promising their friend they would had come again to visit him the next week. 

So it happened that they witnessed the gradual but steady improvement in Face’s attitude as the weeks passed. If the first times he hadn’t proposed them to go outside – and they hadn’t asked to -, on their forth visit he surprised them all by organizing a tour of the valley and they even managed to go fishing in a small lake. Murdock loved fishing and Face surely knew it. The fact that it was going to be the pilot’s birthday in a few days didn’t pass unnoticed to Hannibal, that felt incredibly proud of his second.

Two months later Face asked Hannibal to come to the Village. They had already planned to go but he insisted for him to go alone. The strange request made Hannibal worry but he tried not to think about it and stay calm. Anyway, the two hours drive to the community seemed never ending to the Colonel. When he arrived at the desk, Gail led him to Ray’s office. Face was there too. 

After the usual greetings, Hannibal was invited to sit beside the lieutenant in the comfortable chair in front of the doctor’s writing desk. ‘Not good when they made you sit! God, please, let Face be alright!’ Hannibal thought.

“John, Templeton asked you to come today because he has something very important to tell you.” 

But when Face didn’t go on, Ray urged him calmly. “Do you want me to tell him, Temp?” he asked.

‘Tell me what?’ Hannibal was screaming inside his head, but no sound emerged from his sealed lips.

A whole minute later, Face spoke very softly but resolutely.

“No, Ray, thanks. Hannibal, I asked you to come here today because Ray thinks I am ready to leave the Village. So… I was thinking… Is it ok for you if I want to come back? I mean… I thought about it and I want to but… Is it ok for you?”

Hannibal hoped his voice sounded steady because he didn’t want to startle Face nor to give him the impression of accepting him for pity.

“It’s more than ok for me. You are most welcome, you know that, kid! But, with all the due respect to your therapist, Face, did you take the decision on your own? I mean, you’re not doing what he expects you to do while you still don’t feel up to?”

Face knew his Colonel could read him as an open book, so he wasn’t surprised nor upset by the question. He smiled fondly at him.

“Yes, I took the decision on my own. Ray didn’t force me to do anything. I just think it’s time to come back to reality. But… there’s another reason for I asked you to come… It’s not easy to admit but… Since I took my decision, I’ve had some… issues…” he paused and took a deep breath before speaking again. “The fact is I am worried that without the support of Ray and of the guys of the staff here I can’t do it. I know I just have to get used to be on my own again… and I hope you don’t mind me asking but I wonder ... what would you think if I come back with you and, at the same time, call Ray if I need to talk? Is it acceptable for you?”

“I think it’s a good idea and I appreciate your honesty. I don’t have any objections as long as you’re comfortable with the situation. Anyway, just for you to know, you can always count on me, too. So, if you need anything, you just have to ask!”

“I know that, Hannibal! Thank you! Please, don’t be mad at me… It’s not that I am shutting you down, just sometimes it’s easier to talk to people not involved in your personal situations…”

Hannibal knew very well what Face was feeling right now. So he didn’t try to sugarcoat the truth. 

“I am not mad at you. I’m glad to be here now and to be helping!”

And Face knew it was finally time to go. 

Hannibal helped him to pack his things and waited for him to say goodbye to his friends and therapists and staff people. It took him a good three quarters of an hour to finally reach the gate. The drive home was quiet; Face didn’t talk too much and Hannibal didn’t force him to. Somewhere around halfway to the team’s latest accommodation, however, Face seemed to wake up from his musings.

“Hannibal, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course!”

“When I went to the VA to retrieve Murdock, I had my car. What happened to my Vette?”

“Oh… that! I thought you would had never asked! You parked it in a irregular parking space and they took it away. BA went to get her back in the police storage. Definitely not one of his best days, believe me! If I were you, I would not talk about it with him!”

“I won’t! There’s another thing I cannot explain… After I was mistaken for a patient and they ‘messed’ with me, I was totally out of it. How the hell I got out of the asylum? I remember Decker say to one of his men to keep eyes on Murdock…”

“Well, actually you were escorted out by two MPs…”

“You mean… you and BA…?”

“Yes! We!”

“I bet Decker was furious with his goons when he found out we escaped!”

“He is used to fail in getting us, you know!”

The rest of the way the two men laughed and almost cried to think how many times they had escaped from Decker and the amusing expression he wore on his face everytime!

“It’s good to have you back, Face!” Hannibal finally said.

“Thanks, Hannibal!” 

They were going to be alright now!

THE END (?)


End file.
